If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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