There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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