like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
