I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
