I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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