What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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