I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My legs feel like baby dolphins
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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