we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
