we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You are the jesus of drinking
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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