Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
