we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
