I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
