He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize