I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
