My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
