this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
