I must be too annoying 4 u.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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