Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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