I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
