I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
