She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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