I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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