I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize