The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
