Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
