I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
