I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Shame - the story of my life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
