No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
