just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
