I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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