I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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