Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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