Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
