well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
