even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
