She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
