He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
