I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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