i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
