and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize