absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
