So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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