I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just high enough for therapy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize