Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
