Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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