There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
