Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
