now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
no, he came in my armpit
Need sex. Gaining weight.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
