Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
