why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize