You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
