plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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