I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
