So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
