3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
