weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's blow job season.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The uberlube is also flammable
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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