i think my mom watched the whole time
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
