Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
