Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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