you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
