You don't have asthma, your pregnant
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
