if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
