I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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