where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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