I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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