i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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