I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish I only lived at night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
