is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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