What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
