Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
