If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
