I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
