I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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