I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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